What Does Narcissism Look Like?

In order to be considered a narcissist, someone must possess at least five of the following criteria to some degree:

1. Feels grandiose and self-important. This can be subtle or displayed as complete arrogance.

2. Is obsessed with fantasies of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence, unequalled brilliance, bodily beauty or sexual performance or ideal, everlasting, all-conquering love or passion. My spouse often fantasized about winning the lottery or if he had a good business idea, he would imagine selling it for millions of dollars before he did any work on it. He also often referred to himself as "genetically blessed relative to 95% of the population".

3. Firmly convinced that he or she is unique and, being special, can only be understood by, should only be treated by, or associate with, other special or unique, or high-status people. He often referred to himself as "brilliant"and lamented that he sees things other people don't see.

4. Requires excessive admiration, adulation, attention and affirmation - or, failing that, wishes to be feared and to be notorious. It is necessary to constantly compliment and flatter a narcissist or they will begin to seek admiration elsewhere.

5. Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable priority treatment. Demands automatic and full compliance with his or her expectations. The rules that the rest of us operate within do not apply to these individuals.

6. Is "inter personally exploitative", i.e., uses others to achieve his or her own ends. Using people and discarding them when they no longer serve the desired purpose.

7. Constantly envious of others or believes that they feel the same about him or her. My spouse would lament at the success of wealthy people I knew but when I would point out that they worked really hard to get where they were and weren't "given" everything, that didn't matter.

8. Arrogant, haughty behaviours or attitudes coupled with rage when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted. Tell a narcissist they are wrong,even if they are blatantly wrong will never go well. Apologies are not common and justifications for bad behavior are more the norm.

If someone close to you displays several of these characters, consult with a therapist for further information.